Disappointment with Jen Hatmaker

And I'm sad about it, because I love her. 

I think she's funny.  And pretty.  And she has really great taste. 

But I'm hurt over this article that she wrote for the Today Show's Parenting Team:

http://community.today.com/parentingteam/post/what-would-my-mom-do-drink-tab-and-lock-us-outside

She starts her article out almost making fun of what one mom does for her son's birthday every year.  I'm hurt over this because I do something similar - not quite as involved albeit - and I don't think I'm trying to do anything other than document memories for my daughters.  Memories that my mother, who also drank Tab, didn't preserve for me. 

You see Jen, I was born the same year as you and I recall a very similar childhood.  But I don't think our mothers, or their mothers, had it all figured out.  I don't think we have it all figured out.  I think we are all just trying to do the best we can.  

Sometimes that means making a photo book for each of my daughters on their birthday and putting $1,000.00 into their savings account for college.  I don't need to feel guilty over this just because, in your opinion, I don't have to do this.  Of course I don't have to do this.  But I want to.  

I'm not sure we should be throwing back to the 70's way of doing things either: a time when mothers were allowed to smoke and drink during pregnancy.  They were put under for their children's births, and given pills to dry up their breasts.  

The 70's woman was told a big lie.  She was told she could and should do it all - work, have children, et cetera.  And you know what?  I think it drove a lot of women crazy.  I think it also made some women abusive.  And resentful.  

I read Jen's article in its entirety, and smiled at the end.  But then I thought about her angle, and I sit here today disappointed that she felt the need to stand in judgment of another mom's child rearing choices in order to get her point across.  Not cool in my opinion.  Not cool at all.

We have Shel Silverstein books, and kitchen dance parties, and we turn everything into a song (my children love that I am tone deaf and yet still sing at the top of my lungs).  But we also do very creative things, that sometimes cause me stress (as I approach their birthdays and try to dig up enough photos to fill their books).  I'm not trying to up anyone but if another mother sees what I do and thinks she'd like to do that too, what's wrong with that?  I guess I just don't see the benefit in putting anyone in this parenting community down.  Because ultimately I think we're all just trying to do the right thing, which often times can look a bit different from one family to another. 

Silently stepping down from my soap box now.  Thank you for listening...

2 comments:

  1. I really have to agree with your points you've made:) I too am from that era- born in '75 and I have 2 grown children of my own now ( I started a bit early) although I see the points Jen made about not needing to feel like we should have to "entertain" our kids all the time (I struggled with this with my son) because I certainly remember those days growing up on our farm in Minnesota with my siblings & we had eventful days of fun which were not 'orchestrated' by anything other than our imagination for the most part, yet I COMPLETELY agree with you that it is unnecessary to put down a parent's efforts of providing one on one constructive love & parenting. You are not alone in your viewpoint on this as I'm certain plenty other moms agree:)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you for leaving a comment! I enjoy hearing opinions of others. I really do adore Jen Hatmaker and I totally get what she was trying to convey. Totally. :) I feel for anyone though that may have felt "dumb" for doing what they do do for their kids, after reading her post. Thanks Heidi!

      Delete