the fine print

There isn't much in life I would buy or sign up for without a full disclaimer. 

What exactly am I getting for my money? 
What exactly are the risks involved if I do this certain thing?  
How will I be rewarded/compensated/refunded in any particular outcome?  

And yet I walked down that grassy aisle on top of a picturesque hill in Lyons, CO just about nine years ago not fully knowing what the hell I was getting myself into. I took him on before, and without knowing, all of the stresses and stressors we had coming down the pike. Kids, moves, job changes, in law drama. The fights that were to occur, the health scares, the disappointments and unkept promises. Heck, our wedding day was covered in enough relative-induced stress to last a lifetime. 

And yet, sitting on an airplane recently lulling our third child into a nap, I looked across the aisle at him sitting with our other two children, struck by the intense feeling of utter commitment to the three ring circus we've created nine years later. And struck by the ignorance with which it was all entered into. 

I cannot with good conscious take any credit for still being here. He is responsible for pulling us through most of our messes. His loyalty is mind blowing. And very much appreciated.

My mom recently shared that her office has a 70% divorce rate. I'm not surprised. We live in America, where instant gratification is rewarded with an endless supply of consumable goods. We enter into commercial commitments knowing full well that 100% satisfaction is guaranteed, or our "money back".  Quite a difficult task to pause that expectation of complete satisfaction when the "goods" involve the heart.  Can our hurried, contemporary brains shift gears like that?

I'm not a judger. It is absolutely abhorrent to me to enter into someone else's predicament and claim to know the "right" way to handle anything. I sit today in awe of my husbands unwavering commitment to me and our daughters. He has set an example for me to not only follow but aspire.

And perhaps that is my concluding thought: when we find we can't, let go of the reins and let our lovers lead.

When they can't, perhaps we'll be ready to lead.

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