how to have an affair... with your spouse

Do you remember the first time you met your spouse?  The first date?  The time when you both were on good behavior, and showing your best sides?  What’s life like now?  Crazy?  Chaotic? Hurried? Perhaps even tense at times?  From the very first tinges of intimate feelings for one another to today – little bit different right?

Whenever I tell my oldest daughter that her daddy and I have a date night, she says, “you can’t date daddy, you’re married to him.”  Out of the mouths of babes!  The fact is after marriage occurs, and especially after children arrive, dating is sometimes the only way a couple gets a chance to talk with focus, and without interruption.    

There are times when it’s been so long between meaningful conversations, that a date night of just dinner and catching up (almost like a business meeting) is a necessity.  But if you have a chance to do something a little different, with the idea of reconnecting as a couple, and with purposeful bonding in mind, then consider these ideas:

Go geocaching
This sounds terribly fun to me, mostly because I love the idea of treasure hunting. I still choose Goonies over most other movies if I come across it.    The idea is that “treasures” have been buried all over the world, and with a GPS receiver or GPS-enabled mobile device (or other navigational means), people can discover these treasures, conceivably very close to home.  I just registered at with my Facebook account while writing this article and the search returned a cache within a mile of where I’m sitting.  Woohoo!  I’m sure there’s an app too, right?  There’s gotta be…

Play a game
Challenge each other to each of your favorite games.  Is it monopoly, or cards?  A drawing contest, or corn hole? Put a prize on the game too.  Like: winner gets a back massage, or picks the movie for the night!

Hop the local eateries
Share cocktails and appetizers at one location, the main course at another, and dessert at a final destination.  We just recently discovered Brooklyn’s on Boulder in downtown Colorado Springs (110 E. Boulder Street).  It’s a fun speakeasy style bar with gorgeous gin cocktails, and yummy eats from the restaurant next door. 

Pack a picnic and watch a movie
Take it to a local (or not so local) park, or stay in your backyard.  With technology these days, you can play a movie of choice on a tablet or laptop.  Plan it for dusk with candles!  Glen Eyrie’s grounds are ga-orgeous.  I can only imagine doing something like this there. 

Plan out a gourmet meal
Shop for the ingredients together, then cook together, play your favorite music, drink wine (or sparkling water), and talk.  Jason and I did this ALL THE TIME when we were dating.  Ask me how often we do this now.  On second thought, don’t ask me. 

Hold a Q & A session
Ever go to dinner together alone, thinking you’ll have so much to talk about, and then get there only to hear crickets chirping?  Here’s a list of questions that should get you talking.

·       What is your biggest fear?
·       What is one of your favorite childhood memories?
·       What would your ideal vacation be?
·       What is one thing most people don’t know about you?
·       If you could meet one famous person who would it be and why?
·       What is something you want to accomplish within five years?
·       When you think back to date night, which date stands out the most to you?
·       What is something you love about me?
·       What is your favorite dinner?
·       What is something that makes you happy?
·       If you could watch a movie or tv series which one would you choose?
·       What is your favorite holiday?
·       What is something that makes you cry?
·       What is the nicest thing someone has ever said to you?
·       Where would you like to be in five years?
·       If you could learn something new, what would it be?
·       If you were the president for one day, what would you do?
·       What is something you would like to do as a couple this year?
·       What is one thing I do that you just love?
·       What is your favorite game?
·       Is there one thing you want to redo in our home?
·       What is one thing you know about me that other people don’t?
·       What was the first thing you noticed about me?
·       We have the whole night free! What is something you would love to do?
·       If you could travel to another country, where would you want to go?
·       If you were given one wish, what would you wish for and why?

Great idea too for a road trip conversation with the whole family.  I know we’ve got a couple this summer and fall that I’ll use this list for.

Make bucket lists
Everyone knows what a bucket list is, right?  Especially after the movie with Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman.  After you write them, read them out loud to each other, pick your favorites, and then merge the two lists.  Jason and I did this a couple of years ago while at dinner together.  He was surprised to find out after many years of marriage that I want to learn how to surf.  I was surprised to see that about half of our respective lists were the same thing.  No wonder we are married. 

Browse a bookstore
Each of you pick a book you really want to read, new or old.   Then over the course of the next few weeks (or months!), do a book club just the two of you.  Plan out the club “meetings” and what you’ll have read by when.  Do this for both books picked out during that initial browsing session.  This will ensure you have many dates scheduled, in pen, on the books.

Pick a local food kitchen, senior citizen community, or other destination in need of free help, and work together for the greater good.  There’s also Habitat for Humanity, the Springs Rescue Mission, and countless other opportunities to help those in need.  How neat would it be to show up together for an hour in your child’s classroom during the school year?  What a blessing for everyone.

Go on an adventure
Have you heard of the Groupon offerings about working together to get out of a locked room? Or the solve-a-murder socials?  Sounds like potential for a cool idea gone very wrong for us personally, but many of you may work well together, under pressure.  J

Additional adventure ideas include:

·      rock climbing at a local indoor location
·      attending a fitness class: yoga, Zumba (fun!), spin
·      hiking (we hiked Pikes Peak one month into our courtship, ca-razy!)
·      taking a helicopter or a hot air balloon ride
·      skiing, snowboarding, tubing

This is a cute list of REALLY different date ideas:

There are many additional websites with dating ideas, so go searching when you have some down time and maybe even surprise your spouse with a planned outing.  Whatever you choose to do, the time you have together doing something unique and different will likely form a new memory to store in the vault of your mind’s library. 

Happy dating!

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